yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
