just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just tell him i said nine months
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
