My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
