once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
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We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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