just come out here and I will go home with you...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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