i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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