i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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