sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
