Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
