There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
