you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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