Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
