The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
