I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
