Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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