I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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