SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
