i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
