Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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