I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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