you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
