I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
