He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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