i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize