I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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