You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
