Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
