O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Its about making memories worth repressing
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
