I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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