Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
