sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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