Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
