So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
