i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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