i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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