I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize