apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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