Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
