my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
