...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
