One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
