FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
