drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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