Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
