Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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