Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
