At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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