my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
