yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
