I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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