If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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