Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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