i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
