I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
