At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
