My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
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I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
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My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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