Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
