She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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