Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
