my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have so many feelings about this burrito
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
