she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
