you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
